Leaders help people perform at their best. However, it is challenging to help certain people because they often lack self-awareness and do not fully understand the impact of their behavior.
Start by helping them understand the negative consequences of their current behavior. Encourage them to use reflection, meditation, and daily journaling to better understand their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Coach them on making one or two specific changes that will help them be more valued and effective.
Aggressive people
They have learned to enhance their self-esteem by dominating others. They do this by criticizing people’s comments and behavior. It makes them feel important and powerful. Aggressive people are strong-willed and have the attitude: “I am right, you are wrong.”
They often talk over people and do not listen well.
Aggressive people are very task-oriented. They generally work hard and get things done. The problem is they leave a lot of upset and demoralized people in their wake.
Tips for dealing with aggressive people:
- Name their behavior. “You are yelling. Do you mean to?”
- Match their position. If they are standing, then you stand.
- Establish ground rules. “No yelling and no interruptions. I will listen to you, but then you must listen to me.”
Coach them on the importance of building and maintaining positive relationships with their colleagues. Encourage them to be respectful, open to other people’s ideas and do more listening in every interaction. Let them know that a big part of career advancement is based on their ability to work collaboratively.
Victims
They have learned to protect their ego and self-esteem by blaming others for their poor performance. Poor results are never their fault. They have excuses for everything.
Victims do a lot of complaining and whining.
They act helpless when it comes to working through obstacles and solving problems.
Tips for dealing with victims:
- Focus on the present and future. Victims like to rehash things that happened in the past.
- Ask victims to identify their top problem and plan to deal with it. Do not get bogged down in the weeds.
- Keep ownership of their problem with them.
Coach them on the importance of being responsible and completing tasks on time. Build their knowledge and skills so they become more confident.
Rescuers
They have learned to enhance their self-esteem by helping others. It makes them feel valued and appreciated. Their favorite phrase is “I’ll do it.”
They become overloaded and stressed.
Early on, their boss is often impressed with the rescuer’s willingness to help. “Gene is always the first person to volunteer to help.” But the boss soon discovers that the rescuer is not completing his core job responsibilities.
Tips for dealing with rescuers:
- Remind them of what is already on their plate.
- Ask the rescuer, “…if you were to volunteer for this task, how much time will it take, and when will you do it?”
- Tell the rescuer to say “No” to specific requests.
Coach them on the importance of making their core job responsibilities their top priority. Encourage them to post their top priorities on a whiteboard in their work area.
Perfectionists
They have learned to enhance their self-esteem by setting high standards and demanding perfection in everything they do.
Perfectionists push themselves — and others — too hard and too long. They often miss deadlines because they are obsessed with making additional improvements to an already acceptable document.
Tips for dealing with perfectionists:
- Be supportive and acknowledge their motivation and commitment.
- Establish precise priorities.
- Emphasize deadlines and get their commitment.
Coach them on the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of their tasks do not require perfection.
Procrastinators
They enhance their self-esteem by believing they can complete tasks in a very short time frame. But what often happens is they throw themselves and others into a last-minute panic to meet a deadline.
Tips for dealing with procrastinators:
- Break tasks down into bite-size pieces.
- Schedule regular check-ins to discuss progress.
Coach them on the importance of starting projects as early as possible to have time to deal with unforeseen problems. Require them to establish deadlines to begin tasks and to complete tasks.
Make plans to help change behavior
Any type of behavior change requires a plan. Define the new behaviors that they should adopt. Establish a trigger or reminder to do the new behavior like the car buzzer reminds us to fasten our seat belt. Agree on a measure the person will use to track their performance. This provides valuable feedback and keeps them motivated. Praise their efforts and accomplishments.
If the problematic employee does not respond to your coaching and becomes toxic, it is time to take disciplinary action so the person understands the seriousness of the situation.
People who lack self-awareness do not see the full impact of their behavior. Start by helping them understand why changes are needed. Help them learn new attitudes and behaviors that will help them be a more effective and valued team member.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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