Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion — something to suppress or manage. However, conscientious leaders recognize that anger, when acknowledged and directed thoughtfully, can be a powerful force for good. Rather than allowing anger to simmer under the surface or explode destructively, enlightened leaders use anger as a signal for change and an opportunity for growth. Here are four ways conscientious leaders transform anger for good.
Interpret anger differently
I’m known for saying, “Anger is not the truth, but it’s the fuel that gets you there.” If you’ve been leading for any length of time, you’ve undoubtedly lashed out in justified anger. While it felt great at the moment, a day later or even weeks later, you had regrets. This is because when anger strikes, we lose our ability to process information logically. The primal brain takes over, and the executive function shuts down. You believe your interpretation of the event that triggered you, and you can’t see any alternative truth.
In the heat of passion, it makes sense to blast off the email in all caps. It seems justified to raise your voice or pound your fist. When the refractory period is over, you feel regret. What helps my clients is to interpret anger as a sign that a cooling-off period is needed before deciding or acting. Cooling off is difficult and takes discipline. Make no mistake, there’s a second challenge that emerges after the cooling-off period. Once you’ve regained the executive function of your mind, the conflict doesn’t seem to matter as much. You tell yourself, “I was just having a bad day.” The temptation is to avoid. The challenge after the cooling-off period is to go ahead and schedule that difficult conversation. Don’t take the immediate gratification of avoiding the conversations just because you no longer feel the intensity of your anger. Once your executive function returns, you have preparation to do so that you don’t create a culture of avoidance.
Use anger to clarify boundaries
When anger arises, it often indicates a boundary has been crossed. Instead of reacting impulsively, pause and reflect: What is this anger telling me about what’s important? Once you determine what’s important to you, decide what the boundary needs to be. In order to set an appropriate boundary, you must understand the difference between a request and a boundary. A boundary is not a boundary if you don’t have a choice in the consequence of the boundary being crossed. For example, if your employee Chris undermines the team and you can prove it with facts, you have the power to make Chris change their behavior. If Chris doesn’t change their behavior, you have the power to terminate employment. On the other hand, if your senior leader yells at you, you have the power to walk away or to quit, but not the power to make them stop their disruptive behavior.
I’ve had numerous leaders say, “I tried to set a boundary, but it didn’t work.” The reason most boundaries don’t work is because it wasn’t a boundary in the first place, or the leader cared more about people pleasing than enforcing boundaries.
Use anger to expand conflict capacity
Because anger is such a complex emotion to control, it’s common to see leaders using coping mechanisms such as aggression or appeasing. The aggressors justify their behavior by saying, “The buck stops here,” or “I just tell it like it is.” The appeaser tells employees what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear, makes promises that are rarely delivered and plays politics instead of being direct. The conscious leader takes a different path, using anger as a way to expand their tolerance for disagreement, disappointment or ambiguity. I refer to this practice as working on the inner game, listening when it’s difficult, taking a breath before speaking and committing to self-regulation as a function of leadership growth. Leaders who grow in conflict capacity dramatically increase credibility, transparency and trust among the team.
Transform angry energy
Conscientious leaders understand anger itself isn’t good or bad. Anger is energy that wants to go somewhere. For inexperienced leaders, anger feels so explosive it’s easier to release angry energy in nonproductive ways. Enlightened leaders who experience frustration with processes and systems have captured the secret of using energy to push for improvements, rallying their teams to find solutions. Conscientious leaders realize that angry energy when channeled correctly, drives problem-solving and innovation. Instead of seeing anger as a burden, anger becomes a motivator — a sign that new energy is available to take aligned action and create positive change.
A new relationship with anger
Anger, when unchecked or unmanaged, can be destructive. When leaders interpret anger differently, use anger to clarify boundaries, expand conflict capacity and transform energy for positive outcomes, anger can improve relationships and be a force for good.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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