Where there’s conflict, there’s disagreement. However, disagreement doesn’t have to lead to conflict — especially if you know how to disagree without disconfirming. For executives, making difficult decisions requires building conflict capacity and the ability to navigate tensions constructively. Yet, the more significant challenge often lies with colleagues or subordinates who need to question or challenge the authority of a decision-maker. Disagreement across power structures can easily provoke feelings of intimidation, defensiveness or avoidance — none of which serve the leader or the organization.
The key to disagreeing across power structures lies in challenging ideas without disconfirming or invalidating the other person. By using five strategic and thoughtful questions, you can foster understanding, encourage collaboration and navigate disagreements effectively.
1. Would you be willing to be challenged?
Introducing a challenge can feel risky in hierarchical settings. Asking for permission to challenge an idea shows respect while signaling that the conversation is meant to explore possibilities, not to attack. This question signals collaboration, not confrontation, and ensures the conversation happens without blindsiding the executive or avoiding the conversation altogether.
Pro tip: Construct this question by setting a clear intention. It sounds like this: “Would you be willing to be challenged? I intend to support you before the decision is made public. It could help spot potential gaps and ensure the goal is clear for everyone involved.’”
What not to do: Avoid diving into your disagreement without first gauging their openness to a challenge. This can come across as combative and derail the conversation.
2. Would you be willing to hear another point of view?
This question opens the door to alternative perspectives without forcing them. It invites curiosity and creates a psychologically safe space for dialogue. Often, leaders who welcome other viewpoints uncover blind spots and foster a culture of innovation.
Pro tip: Use a neutral tone to ensure your question doesn’t sound like a critique. Frame it as an invitation, such as, “Can I share an idea that might add to what you’re thinking?”
What not to do: Avoid presenting your viewpoint as a counterargument. Starting with “I disagree” or “That’s not right” can shut the door to collaboration.
3. Would you be willing to explore exceptions to this rule?
When a decision feels rigid or overly broad, consider the possibility that there may be an unresolved conflict driving the decision. By exploring exceptions, you can buy some time while introducing flexibility and nuance. This question helps identify areas where a rule might not apply and get to the root of what caused the current problem.
Pro tip: Approach this question with genuine concern, not skepticism. For example, say, “This rule seems effective overall — are there situations where it might not work as intended?”
What not to do: Avoid using this question to poke holes or undermine authority. The goal is to expand the conversation, not to invalidate the other person’s perspective.
4. Would you be willing to share how you arrived at that conclusion?
Understanding the reasoning behind a decision or belief is essential for meaningful dialogue. This question encourages the other person to reflect on their thought process. It provides an opportunity to listen for signs that indicate a lack of clarity, anger or an underlying fear that’s driving the decision.
Pro tip: Actively listen and affirm their explanation before offering your perspective. For example, say, “Thanks for explaining. I see where you’re coming from — can I share another perspective that you may not have considered?”
What not to do: Avoid using this question to trap someone into defending their position. Phrasing it with curiosity rather than judgment ensures it feels like an invitation, not a cross-examination.
5. Would you be willing to delay this decision?
Especially during times of extreme stress or unexpected change, decisions are made too quickly, leaving little room for consideration of other perspectives. Suggesting a delay can provide the time needed to gather more information or reflect on alternatives.
Pro tip: Offer a constructive reason for the delay. For example, say, “Would it make sense to delay this decision until we’ve gathered input from the team?” Or “Would it make more sense to confirm with legal before moving forward?”
What not to do: Avoid suggesting a delay simply because you disagree. Ensure your request feels purposeful and tied to a clear benefit for the team or project.
Communication strategies for upward dissent
Disagreement with a superior doesn’t have to lead to conflict or division. By seeking a “state of willingness,” you invite change by framing your input as a collaborative exploration while maintaining respect and trust. The next time you find yourself disagreeing, remember it’s not about winning the argument or proving your executive wrong — it’s about strengthening the relationship, building trust and achieving better outcomes.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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